What if we find ourselves beneath the snow,
Our warmest words all frozen in our throats
And all we feel is left out in the cold,
You & I?
What if the ice we tread is just too thin?
What if we can't escape the squall we're in?
What if our hearts of stone are permanent,
You & I?
Even the winter won't last forever...
We'll see the morning, we'll feel the sun
We'll wake up in April, ready & able
Sowing the seeds in the soil
Of love
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/a/audrey+assad/even+the+winter_21001017.html ]
What if the days grow short & lose their light?
What if the coals burn black & the embers die
& we can't find each other in the night?
You and I...
What if the spring comes soon
& we're surprised?
What if the seasons help us realize,
Some things are only proven over time?
Even the winter won't last forever
We'll see the morning, we'll feel the sun Even the darkness cannot disarm us
We'll break up the earth, because we know
That it's worth it
Sowing the seeds in the soil of our love.
I highlighted two of the verses that really stuck out to me. As you may have picked up for my recent posts, I've been in a bit of a funk for a couple weeks. I've been sleeping way too much; I've been overly emotional for no discernible reason (case in point--I watched Brother Bear and had to put the subtitles on because I was crying too hard to hear the dialogue. :/ ); I haven't wanted to talk to anyone; and I'm just feeling a little purposeless right now. I know I should be taking this time that God's blessed me with to relax, work on my relationship with Him, see my friends, read a good book, and meet new blogging friends, but I just can't appreciate the time like I want to with the pressure I've been feeling from my family concerning the seriousness with which I'm approaching this internship. Okay, let me back up because I'm not sure how much I've actually explained in past posts and if I were reading this, I would have lost myself. Haha.
So, I graduated this past May after changing my major senior year. A bit late in the game, I know. The switch meant I had to stay in school an extra year (which turned out to be a huge blessing but we'll have to talk about that later). Due to the extended stay, a mission trip, and my lack of experience in accounting, I had a really difficult time finding a job. I ended up getting an internship at an accounting firm near home because I knew almost all of the employees from one thing or another. However, said internship didn't start until the second week of January so after I got back from the mission trip in late July, I had months of time on my hand. Even before I got the internship, I wasn't convinced that accounting was the right fit for me, but I wanted to give it a try before I completely gave up on it. So the internship was a perfect fit because it only lasts 4 months but will give me a lot of hands-on experience. Well, apparently not everyone in the family agrees with my logic. I'm sure they all have good intentions, but I'm just tired of having to explain my reasons to everyone. And if one more person suggests taking the CPA and finding a full time position in place of the internship, or makes mention of my student loans, I may stop speaking to them altogether (probably not, but still!) I just want them to support the decision I made since there's not really much I can do now until after April. I don't know if that really explains everything, but a lot of it is backstory and complaining. Hopefully I said enough that you get the gist of where I'm coming from.
And here's where the song comes in (specifically the lines I highlighted). I won't feel like this forever. I'll get my energy back. I'll want to talk to my friends again. I'll be able to watch a movie or commercial without tearing up. I'll figure out the whole job situation. The darkness can't disarm me because I've got God on my side. And as long as I put my faith in Him, I'll make it out of this funk. That's what He's asking me to do right now--trust Him. Realize that I can't do anything without Him. And I'm working on it. Some things just take time. But this, too, shall pass. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow. But the sun will come up tomorrow, and with it, a new day will give me the opportunity to praise Him for all the things that are going well in my life.
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4 comments:
First, I LOVE Audrey Assad, too!! :) Amazing stuff.
Second... YES to everything you said in that last paragraph. God WILL reveal His plan to you. He IS with you all of the time. The more you can try and focus on that and the good in your life, the other stuff will be easier to handle (that's what I tell myself, anyway.)
Third... you are doing a GREAT thing!! How many people have the opportunity to dabble in a profession for a bit before they choose it?! It's genius really. You have your whole life to work... it's so important to live your life, too. Do more missions if you want. Travel, if you can. And find a job that you love. It may take a while, but it's ok. If you are following the desires of your heart, and really allowing God to lead you... what can go wrong?!
Some of my family thought I was crazy for going to Honduras. Most were really supportive, and I wouldn't have been able to get through it without them. I hope that your family comes around! I know we want our family to be excited and approve of everything, but sometimes that isn't reality. Just know that you have support and people that are excited for you through this crazy online bloggy community and your friends in real life. :) Family is sometimes more practical, wanting you to have a secure job in this uncertain economy... and there is truth in that. But, if you are being smart and true to who you are, then that's all they can expect, really.
Be proud of yourself for taking the road a little less traveled. Good things will come, even if it's not what you or your family thought. :) Prayers for you!
Hi, sweet friend. You will so get through the winter and see the spring. I've seen it time and time again in my own life and others'...though it's still tough to get through the winters when they come! Just try to be kind and gentle with yourself. Let go of expectations and pressure. When we're going through tough times, I think we're more sensitive to others' opinions and judgments. I know it's especially hard when they come from family. Just know that God will use everything you give Him...including your time with this internship...and He will use it for your good and happiness, and His glory. All will be well. Hang in there. There's nothing wrong with hunkering down with some chocolate and TV shows when the 'winter storms' hit. :)
Peace, sister.
Laura
I'm so thankful for blogging friends like you, Jen! Thank you so much for your kind words. I've continued to be amazed by the love and support this blog has brought me. I never expected to find so much solidarity and so many people I now consider friends. It's refreshing to know that I'm (obviously...) not the only one going through these things. Thank you for understanding and helping me feel less crazy. You're right--family is such a tricky thing. I'm sure they'll come around eventually, but they'll be worrywarts and opinion-givers throughout the whole journey. Right now this is the path that God has put me on and I plan on following Him :)
Oh, Laura. The first five sentences I said up there to Jen also apply to you. I'm so glad God has brought me this community of friends. I'm definitely more sensitive to opinions and judgments when things are looking down, though I'm just naturally sensitive to them, so that doesn't help matters. I need to remember to give those feelings over to God more often and remember that whoever is sharing their opinion or perceived judgment is likely doing it out of love and worry for me. It's so easy to forget that in the moment, though! Thank you for the reminder--I feel like I need them daily, if not more often!
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