Not Alone Series: Intro

In keeping with my latest tardiness trend, I’m just now sitting down to write Tuesday’s intro post…oops. But now that I’m finally writing it, I’ll be able to look at everyone else’s posts! Now that’s what I call incentive. Don't forget to check out Morgan's blog for all the other perspectives!

If you’re new here, my name’s Jordan. According to some of my friends, I live in “southern” Illinois because I’m south of I-80, but what can you expect from people who hail from the suburbs but tell people they’re from Chicago? ;) Anyway, I graduated from the University of Illinois last spring after doing a little victory lap due to a change in major right before senior year. I started off as a speech pathology major until I started observing some of our grad students during their clinicals. I decided I needed something a little more black and white, so I switched to agricultural accounting and learned how to count corn. At least, that’s the joke everyone seems to make when I reveal the full name of my degree. I ended up moving back home after graduation since I didn’t have a job right away. After interning at a local accounting firm during this past tax season, the company ended up offering me a full-time position which I’ll be starting sometime in August or September. Until then, I’m just busy taking classes and visiting my friends. Now on to things you actually might be interested in—

Honestly, if you had asked me a month ago, or even a week ago, how I felt about being single, I’d probably tell you that I hadn’t really thought about it. I’ve been single my whole life, unless you count the lucky boy who got to hold hands with me at the skating rink from 3^rd through 6^th grade ;) Hahaha gotta love grade school “boyfriends.” Or the guy I dated for a month in high school, which consisted of us going to the movies on the weekends and out to dinner once. I went on a handful of dates in college but none of them amounted to anything other than a lot of anxiety over how to tell them I wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship. I’ll save those stories for later, though, as this is just the intro post :)

So like I said, I haven’t given much thought to being single. Sure there are times where it’d be nice to have someone to go on a walk with or grab dinner with or join a kickball team with, but I can’t say I’m overwhelmed with those feelings or constantly thinking about them. In fact, more often than not, I think about being in a relationship and the first feeling that pops up is anxiety. I’ve never really had an example of a good and healthy relationship in my life, and I’m fairly certain the movies aren’t quite portraying an accurate picture… I actually talked to a few different friends about it all in the past week oddly enough, and I came to the conclusion that I need to take some more time to really get to know myself before I can think of entering into a relationship. I’ve never been one who relishes in reflecting and I seem to find any excuse to avoid it. So this week I’ve been challenging myself to spend some time each day journaling about things I’ve discovered about myself that day. It’s been a good exercise so far, though I doubt it’s going to wind up being the answer to all my problems.

So how do I feel about being single? For now, I feel pretty okay about it, especially since there’s a lot I need to do before I can begin to think of being in a selfless relationship!