Monday, April 29, 2013

Do you see what I see

I've started this post a dozen different ways, and I can't seem to figure out what exactly I want to say and how I want to say it. I have the blueprint in my head, but it's just not coming out right on the screen. So bear with me as I muddle my way through. Hopefully it makes sense in the end!

I feel like I spent quite a bit of my weekend talking about confidence and vulnerability, probably because they are two areas in which many of us struggle (if you don't, please tell me your secret!). One of the conversations I had involved our perceptions of ourselves vs. others' perceptions of us. I guess it was kind of like the Dove commercial but in a less superficial way. One friend mentioned that the way he sees himself is rarely, if EVER, the way his friends would describe him. Another friend shared that she consistently worries about people judging her and wonders what they think of her. And still another told me that she feels out of place sometimes because the way she expresses her thoughts and opinions is much different than the way many of her friends do. Honestly, the list goes on and on. We're all broken in some way, insecure about something. We see what others have and we wish we could have it, too. But the funny thing is, we're so focused on whatever desired trait those people have that we aren't able to see the crosses they bear.

Has that ever happened to anyone else? I remember when I first started getting involved last year, I would see people sitting in the chapel hours before/after Mass or wearing a scapular or praying a walking rosary and think "wow, they must be so holy." Or I'd see an interaction between two friends or a friend and her parents and think, "I wish I could have a relationship like that." Or I'd be walking with a friend through the dorm, stopping every 10 feet because someone wanted to say hi to her or give her a hug and would think how lucky she was to be so well-liked. Most of these interactions were with people I was just starting to become friends with so I didn't know them that well. I just assumed they had it all together because, from the outside, it looked like they did. Then, I started getting to know them better, and it became almost instantly clear that while they may not be struggling with the exact things I was, they were still struggling. I think this was a pivotal moment in my friendships because it allowed me to be infinitely more comfortable sharing my own insecurities and doubts. I mean, who wants to tell someone who seems to have everything together that they aren't super happy with who they are? It's hard enough to admit that type of thing to our closest friends...but someone we just meet? Probably not going to happen. Because we're worried what they'll think or how they'll react. What if they judge us or think we're strange? What if they start treating us differently? What will they think of us after we tell them? We're scared to be fully ourselves because we aren't comfortable with who we are and we judge ourselves far more harshly than anyone else ever will. We're our own worst enemies most of the time. Most people probably aren't even aware of our perceived "flaws," and it's certainly not something they dwell on, nor is it the first thing to come to mind when they think of us.

So why is it the first thing that comes to our minds? Or maybe it's not the first thing, but why is it such a dominating element? What will it take for us to accept ourselves and begin to see ourselves as others do, to see our beauty?  Because we are all beautiful sons and daughters of a King, and we deserve to embrace that fact, to own it, and to help each other discover or remember it each and every day. We have so much to offer, so many strengths. Maybe it's time we start focusing on them and sharing those parts of ourselves with the world. How would you describe your friends? That's probably how they would describe you, too :)

I found this post a few months ago, and I'm not exactly sure it fits here but I wanted to share it anyway because I think it's got a really great message :) So you're welcome. Haha.

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