Quick Takes (11)

Can't seem to find anything to write about lately, so I figured I'd get my quick takes done early for a change and actually link 'em up with Jen and all the Friday faithful.

1. Despite the fact that I've already done the whole graduation thing, I find myself feeling oddly nostalgic and senior-y this time of year. I blame it on the fact that some of my closest friends are a couple years younger so they're in the midst of finishing up school right now. It's not fun to think about all of us being in different cities next year with completely different schedules. It was hard enough coordinating schedules this year when they were all still in school. It's definitely going to take a lot more intentional acts, like scheduling times to talk and finding times to visit.

2. In an attempt to become a better friend, I've been trying to spend less time "liking" things on Facebook and more time emailing/texting/calling my friends. As much as I enjoy being able to keep up with the people I care about via their status updates and pictures, I started to notice I was using it as an excuse for not actually communicating. I'd see pictures of their vacations or read their statuses about plans after graduation and think I knew what was going on in their lives. And I guess in a way I did...but there's so much more to our lives than what we post on Facebook. I wanted more than that false sense of connection, so I cut my brain's vacation short and made plans to reconnect with friends I've lost touch with. I read an article today that brought up some of the same points but in a much better way--here ya go!

3. Confession--I started watching Revenge last week and I'm already caught up on the most recent episode...I would feel more guilty about this if the show weren't only in its second season. But still...I can't say I'm proud. Haha

4. I was walking through town the other day and spotted this little guy. Gotta love the country :)

5. Super intrigued by what can only be described as the newest addition to our grocer's produce aisle.

6. Last weekend six of my friends came to visit!! I don't think I need to explain how needed that was...One of the interesting things that came up was a conversation one of the girls had with a Jewish rabbi who was speaking at an interfaith gathering. Apparently during the event, the Christian representative mentioned something about Catholics praying for the conversion of Jews on Holy Thursday (or is it Good Friday...?). Anyway, the rabbi said that he insulted by that. My friend explained to him that we do it because we believe we have the fullness of the truth and we want others to have it as well. She said it's like parents praying that their children grow up to embrace their faith, too. And then he shared something we were all a little confused by. He said that he wouldn't want to encourage his kids to practice Judaism if they didn't want to, even though he wholeheartedly believed it was the right religion. Hmmm...

7. Despite the fact that I haven't been helping out with Religious Ed classes since December (so many things I slacked on due to my internship... :-/), I like to think I made up for it by making it to our last class. Haha wishful thinking I'm sure. Though my guilt lessened slightly when I found out that my co-teacher's mom ended up taking over the class because M didn't have time to teach either...but she was there Wednesday too! Two of the kids acknowledged my re-appearance with a hug, while the rest didn't seem to remember me every being there in the first place. Perhaps that's why none of them listened to a word either of us said the entire time. They make look cute but they sure know how to push buttons.

Do you see what I see

I've started this post a dozen different ways, and I can't seem to figure out what exactly I want to say and how I want to say it. I have the blueprint in my head, but it's just not coming out right on the screen. So bear with me as I muddle my way through. Hopefully it makes sense in the end!

I feel like I spent quite a bit of my weekend talking about confidence and vulnerability, probably because they are two areas in which many of us struggle (if you don't, please tell me your secret!). One of the conversations I had involved our perceptions of ourselves vs. others' perceptions of us. I guess it was kind of like the Dove commercial but in a less superficial way. One friend mentioned that the way he sees himself is rarely, if EVER, the way his friends would describe him. Another friend shared that she consistently worries about people judging her and wonders what they think of her. And still another told me that she feels out of place sometimes because the way she expresses her thoughts and opinions is much different than the way many of her friends do. Honestly, the list goes on and on. We're all broken in some way, insecure about something. We see what others have and we wish we could have it, too. But the funny thing is, we're so focused on whatever desired trait those people have that we aren't able to see the crosses they bear.

Has that ever happened to anyone else? I remember when I first started getting involved last year, I would see people sitting in the chapel hours before/after Mass or wearing a scapular or praying a walking rosary and think "wow, they must be so holy." Or I'd see an interaction between two friends or a friend and her parents and think, "I wish I could have a relationship like that." Or I'd be walking with a friend through the dorm, stopping every 10 feet because someone wanted to say hi to her or give her a hug and would think how lucky she was to be so well-liked. Most of these interactions were with people I was just starting to become friends with so I didn't know them that well. I just assumed they had it all together because, from the outside, it looked like they did. Then, I started getting to know them better, and it became almost instantly clear that while they may not be struggling with the exact things I was, they were still struggling. I think this was a pivotal moment in my friendships because it allowed me to be infinitely more comfortable sharing my own insecurities and doubts. I mean, who wants to tell someone who seems to have everything together that they aren't super happy with who they are? It's hard enough to admit that type of thing to our closest friends...but someone we just meet? Probably not going to happen. Because we're worried what they'll think or how they'll react. What if they judge us or think we're strange? What if they start treating us differently? What will they think of us after we tell them? We're scared to be fully ourselves because we aren't comfortable with who we are and we judge ourselves far more harshly than anyone else ever will. We're our own worst enemies most of the time. Most people probably aren't even aware of our perceived "flaws," and it's certainly not something they dwell on, nor is it the first thing to come to mind when they think of us.

So why is it the first thing that comes to our minds? Or maybe it's not the first thing, but why is it such a dominating element? What will it take for us to accept ourselves and begin to see ourselves as others do, to see our beauty?  Because we are all beautiful sons and daughters of a King, and we deserve to embrace that fact, to own it, and to help each other discover or remember it each and every day. We have so much to offer, so many strengths. Maybe it's time we start focusing on them and sharing those parts of ourselves with the world. How would you describe your friends? That's probably how they would describe you, too :)

I found this post a few months ago, and I'm not exactly sure it fits here but I wanted to share it anyway because I think it's got a really great message :) So you're welcome. Haha.

Thinking & Driving

As I was driving home this morning from Mass and the library, I turned my radio off and just let my mind wander. Usually I have no idea how my thoughts transition from one topic to the next, but it tends to be a pretty interesting experiment. I went from thinking about phone calls I had to make to classes I need to take to trips I want to go on to things to get at the grocery store to blog post ideas to friends I would like to catch up with (and about a million other things in between but those were the more important ones). It was no shock that I eventually ended up on friends. The topic has been on my mind a lot the past year or so, as is evident by almost every post I write... Anyway, I started off thinking about how much I miss certain friends. You know, the ones you can sit and talk to literally for hours. The ones who never seem to run out of advice or stories or laughter or wisdom. The ones who challenge you to pick yourself up when you're down instead of letting you wallow in your perceived injustices. The ones who celebrate your accomplishments even more than you do. The ones who make time for you no matter how busy their schedules are. The ones who know your heart.

I miss seeing those friends. Yes, it's nice to be able to talk on the phone, text, Skype, and send emails, but it's not the same. Obviously I'm grateful for those means of communication since I wouldn't have any contact at all without them, but we all know that nothing beats a face-to-face meeting. (Plus with my shoddy cell reception, I end up missing a quarter of what the person on the other line ends up saying to me and try to make up for it by saying a lot of "uh huhs" and awkward laughter....) It reminds me of the quote toward the end of Shawshank Redemption when Red says "I guess I just miss my friend." Couldn't have said it better myself, Red.

But then another thought started to develop. Amidst the sadness came an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. Yes, I miss my friends. But that means that I have friends to miss. I'm incredibly blessed and grateful to have these types of friends in my life, because that hasn't always been the case for me. I grew up with the idea that friends were just people you complained to about your siblings, played sports with, or went to the movies with. And because I didn't know anything else, I didn't desire anything else. I thought that's what friendships were. It didn't occur to me that friends could be something other than boredom-chaser-away-ers (yes, that's a word). A couple months after I made my first "real" friend, we were sitting outside on her patio talking and she asked me something along the lines of "didn't you ever talk about this kind of stuff with your friends growing up?" When I replied with an awkward no..., she questioned what we did talk about. The only things I could come up with were movies, sports, and homework. Not a lot of growing going on there. And not much joy either.

That's not to say that I only want friends who are going to be joyful all of the time and committed to helping me grow every time we talk. That seems like an absurd and unattainable desire. We all have rough days where we just need our friends to listen to us complain for a little bit, but that shouldn't be the norm. I've had friendships like that before, and they're draining. It's hard to be positive around someone who's consistently down. But that's a discussion for another post. I'd rather focus on current friends, like M. M & I have spent this semester reading The Simple Path by Mother Teresa and Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis. Now we're starting Crossing the Threshold of Hope by Blessed (SOON TO BE SAINT!!!) John Paul II! I'm so excited to get into it. If you're looking for a way to keep in touch with a friend, I definitely recommend doing something like this! Anyway, we read a certain number of chapters each week and then talk about them over Skype. Usually we have so much to say to teach other that we end up talking for more than 2 hours! It was without a doubt one of the highlights of my week. Every single week. Mostly because I couldn't wait to hear what M had to say. That woman is a living saint, and she just has a way of saying the most beautiful things. I love it :) And she's just one of the women I've had the pleasure of getting to know better this winter/spring.

So the fact that I now have friends like the ones I described up there helps me be okay with missing them. Because I'd rather be missing them than hanging out with the alternative.


"O God, let me know you and love you so that I may find my joy in you; and if I cannot do so fully in this life, let me at least make some progress every day, until at last that knowledge, love and joy come to me in all their plenitude...On Earth then I shall have great joy in hope, and in heaven complete joy in the fulfillment of my hope" ~~St. Anselm 

Theme of the month

I don't know if you ladies have ever felt like your semesters have had themes or not (I also don't know how acceptable it is to split your life into semesters once you're out of college but that's consideration for another post. Hahaha), but I feel like a current theme in my life has been friendship. It's been on my mind sooooo much lately, so I figured it made sense to devote a post to it. Hopefully it won't be tooo similar to things I've said in the past, because I realize that this isn't the first time I've written about my thoughts on friendship.

Now on to the new reflections :)

I think I mentioned in my last post that one of the best parts about the conference I went to was the conversations I had with friends. Well, another highlight was a talk I went to about friendship. One of the things the speaker said that really stuck out to me was that we'll likely only have one or two really good, virtuous friends in our lives--friends who will encourage us to grow in holiness, help us become saints, and offer us fraternal corrections when needed. When she said this, I was a little taken aback, not to mention a little disappointed, mostly because those are the kinds of friendships I strive to have. I don't want to have just a bunch of acquaintances who don't really know me. I want to have the kind of virtuous friendships she described. I want friends who will challenge me to become the best version of myself. I want friends who actually want to know how I'm doing when they ask. So that week, while we were still in Orlando, I started thinking of ways to make that happen, and I haven't stopped thinking about it since. Here's what I've been coming up with...

1. Instead of focusing on my lack of friendships at home, I've been concentrating on solidifying the friendships I developed last year. This has been an extremely fruitful exercise. I'm sure part of it has to do with the fact that I'm working now so I don't have as much time to obsess over all the things I'm missing out on by not being around my friends, but I've definitely seen a big difference simply due to the fact that I'm focusing on the positive instead of the negative. Plus, this new outlook has given me the opportunity to get to know my friends better, and it's been so good getting to that next level. I'm hoping to continue the trend with a few more friends each month. It'll definitely be easier with some than others, but I think I'm up for the challenge ;)

2. I've realized, with the help of a wonderful friend (who might be started a blog soon!! eeeeee!!), that I need to consider what wounds from past friendships might be holding me back from becoming better friends with the current people in my life. And not only do I need to recognize them, but I need to be willing to bring them up with the other person so that she can understand where I'm coming from. I hadn't really thought about it before this weekend, but I've actually done that with those few people who I'd consider my closest friends. And now that I know that's what I did, I can continue to do it when I feel like the time is right. Praise God for intuitive friends who are willing to listen to me go on and on about things I've been thinking about!

3. I'm reading A Simple Path by Bl. Mother Teresa, and in the introduction, someone described how people used to feel when she was talking to them. It was something along the lines of Mother Teresa gave her full and undivided attention to the person she was with and made them feel like the most important person in her life. In an effort to emulate her, I decided that anytime I'm talking to someone, I would silence my phone so that I wouldn't be tempted to answer a call or text while we were in the middle of a discussion. Because honestly, there aren't many more annoying things than trying to have a serious conversation with a friend who insists on responding to a text message in the middle of your story. Sure they claim to be listening to you, but we all know we can't listen to someone and type out a message at the same time--neither activity is receiving our full attention so we only end up hearing half of what our friend is saying to us and we end up sending a message that makes no sense. As a result of this newly implemented plan, people have been forced to call the person I'm with to get ahold of me. Hahaha that may or may not defeat the purpose of my exercise...

Well, that's probably enough for now. There's an episode of Parenthood calling my name and I still have to pack my lunch for work tomorrow. Why yes, I have regressed into the 8-year-old version of myself now that I'm working. Hahaha I go to bed at embarrassingly early hours, pick out my clothes the night before, and pack my lunch before going to bed. All normal things, right?

A Thousand Words

Nothing like a 60-something minute Skype date with a beautiful friend to get you pumped about writing a post! And it doesn't hurt that said friend has an amazing blog which you should all read! I can't even choose just one post for you to feast your eyes on, so feel free to peruse the whole blog :) You're welcome.

Since I'm pretty sure my lack of pictures is going to start turning my few faithful readers away soon, I figured I better rectify the situation. Here are a few takes for your viewing pleasure--

View from the top of the Navy Pier ferris wheel :)

Does that apple seem abnormally large to anyone else...?

 

                 

Two of my favorite non-Disney classics! (or at least they were when I was a wee one...)

Phones with cameras keep us occupied for hours, aka Jordan being an excellent babysitter...

                                     
What my house looks like on laundry day:

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C (and yes, those are glow in the dark Nightmare Before Christmas wall decals, thank you for asking) 

Chocolate chunks are so last year. Cows are the way of the future, people!

Check out this AMAZING bed head. Obviously, we're really enjoying it.

I found these in a box under my bed the other day. There are a few too many participation ribbons if you ask me. Though I did get a chuckle out of the fact that 6th place is brown.

What girl wouldn't take him back with a gift like that??

I was told to tell a friend about my accomplishment...feel free to set up an intervention anytime as I'm sure it's completely warranted...

In what language are these letter combinations considered words?? Also, if I were a robot, I think I'd have learned how to type out these strange hieroglyphics. That's what robots are for after all. And finally, why do they have to make it so hard to read? If the used normal font would a robot be able to read it?

Alright friends, that's it for today. I hope you enjoyed this pictorial journey. If you didn't, you're probably a robot.

Just can't contain my joy!

So I had a whole other post started and almost finished, but I decided it was too complain-y, and after my drive home, I just wanted to sing praises to God for how amazing my weekend was (too much? Well too bad 'cause that's how I felt. And please excuse the run-on nature of that sentence).

Did the weekend go exactly as planned? Of course not. They rarely do. But ladies (I assume only women are reading these rather feminine posts), I can't even explain the joy I felt as I was driving home. I had soooooo many wonderful conversations with some of the best friends a girl could ask for. I got to let out all of the things that have been eating away at me the past few weeks but also reminisce about all the great things that God has been putting in my life (e.g. all you fine women reading this :) ). I received advice on things I've been struggling with (like how to start forming a relationship with our Blessed Mother), and I basked in the gloriousness of beautiful friendships. Honestly, I don't even know what the highlight was, but one of them was definitely having the opportunity for so much prayer. I had so much time to reflect on things as they were happening (or at the very least, right after) instead of months after the fact. And I finally started coming to terms with the fact that I don't have to be 2 minutes away from my friends in order to keep up a good friendship, which was something I just couldn't seem to grasp with all this dang free time on my hands to sit and obsess about how much I miss them and how much it feels like I've been relegated to the "out of sight, out of mind" category. But that's obviously not true, and I guess it just took a wise friend to tell me so before I would believe it. Better luck next time, devil. Oh! And another big highlight was seeing two shooting stars on my way home tonight! A friend likes to think of them as winks from God ;)

I guess the point of this little post is just to express my amazement once again over how quickly God pours out His graces after just a small act of faith from us. Making time for prayer and attending mass seem like such small gestures to me (despite the fact that I still struggle to do them on a daily basis...), but this weekend has taught me (or at least re-instilled in me) how much God yearns for us and how much He desires to show us that He loves us, if we would only let Him. I'm still processing everything that's going on, so if this seems like just one big rambling, I apologize. I just needed to start the reflection process, and blogging seems to be a good outlet for me to do that. I feel so blessed to have friends who challenge me to become a better version of myself (props to Matthew Kelly for that phrase). I can't thank them enough for the constant support they give me and the changes they've caused in my life. They just have a way of getting me to think about things I normally wouldn't think about, and they invite me to do small things (like praying night prayer) that wind up having big consequences (like wanting to develop a better prayer life). And the best part about it is that everything is done over a cup of coffee. They just make having a relationship with Jesus seem so effortless and it makes me want to do everything I can to reach that point. So I ask them how they do it and find new ways to continue to grow.

Okay, I really am just rambling now because I just can't stop smiling and thinking about all the happy things this weekend contained. I hope all of you had weekends as astounding as mine! And if you didn't, that's what I'll be praying for this week. Have a great night :)

P.s. I finally got the new Mumford and Sons CD (along with some Audrey Assad and JJ Heller). AND THEY'RE ALL SO GOOD! I heart music.

Some musings on friendship

After thinking a little more about last night's post, I've decided to dedicate this week of blog posts to friendship (aka I thought of something that I didn't get to say yesterday and I need an excuse to bring up my friends again). With my track record, we're looking at anywhere from 2 to 4 posts since I've never had something to say every day for a week. But friendship is something we've all struggled with at one time or another so maybe I'll break my record this week.

Aaaaaaanyway, we're headed back to Saturday night on the floor of my friend's room for today's thoughts. At one point during our emotion-wreaking catch-up session, the conversation turned to being vulnerable. Both of us have been hurt by friends in the past (as I'm sure everyone who's ever had a friend has experienced), and, like you, we developed defense mechanisms for dealing with the pain. Instead of dealing with the emotions, we find ourselves pulling away from other friends and getting lost in our work. We over-schedule our days and stretch ourselves too thin. We join more clubs or volunteer to pick up someone's shift or actually read the book assigned for class. We put all of our energy into proving something--proving we're good students or good athletes or good workers. Anything to keep from having even 5 minutes of unplanned time during the day where we'd be forced to think about how much it hurts when our friends pull away from us. But what we don't realize is how much worse this approach makes it. Sure it might seem like a good plan for awhile--hey we're not getting hurt, right? WRONG. We are hurting; it's just in a different way. Maybe we've stopped ourselves from feeling some of the pain of no longer having that friend in our lives. Actually, is that even true? I don't know about you, but my thoughts seem to go straight to whatever it is I don't want to think about as soon as I get in the shower or settle into bed. So it doesn't even matter how jam packed I make my day, the hurt still finds a way in. But I digress. There are two things I think we lose when we choose to bury our feelings.

First is the chance to learn from the experience and reflect on what, if anything, we could or would do differently next time. I tried to convince myself that I did this after the whole falling out with L from the last post, but oh how wrong I was. My "reflection" consisted of a decision to essentially stop contacting my friends. I would sit around and wait for them to ask me to do something or invite me to go somewhere because I was so worried that I would be imposing myself on them. I wouldn't even suggest something as small as what route we should take to get to class. This worked out about as well as you'd expect and resulted in me becoming pretty good friends with my TV and couch. It wasn't until I started my journey to Catholicism that I started taking more time to see how absolutely asinine this approach was and how little reflection I had really done. I wasn't reflecting at all; I was simply responding to being hurt by doing the exact opposite of what I had been doing. And yes, it was important that I stop doing some of the things I had been doing (texting incessantly, being jealous, and expecting her to hang out with me every weekend I went home). But not all of my actions were bad. And that's what I didn't see before. I should contact my friends and tell them how great they are (because who doesn't love hearing that??). I should be the one who comes up with things to do sometimes (because no one wants to have to suggest things alllll the time). I also learned how important it is to have more than one friend (you don't say...). It just had never been a problem for me before. When you both only have one friend, it just doesn't come up I guess. Anyway, moral of this point: I've realized how important it is to honestly reflect on experiences, especially the painful ones.

The second thing I think we lose by refusing to be vulnerable is our ability to be a good friend to the ones we still have. What does it mean to be a good friend? I think half the battle is being available and the other half is being vulnerable (any other halves you can think of?). Sometimes that's all we need--someone to be there when we need to vent about our sister, cry about our boyfriend, or laugh about our creepy blog-stalking. We may not even need the other person to say anything; it's enough to know they're on the other end of the phone/bed listening to us pour our hearts out. But if we're too busy being busy so that we don't have to deal with our wounds, we can't be available to our friends. And while they may understand in the beginning (after all, we all have to cancel plans for whatever reason every now and then), I've discovered that you'll quickly find yourself wondering why no one has called or texted you all week asking if you want to grab coffee if you never commit to any plans. You just can't be friends with someone you never spend any time with. And when you are spending time with a friend, I think it's important to be present and vulnerable. How many times have you been in the middle of an intense story only to have the person you're talking to check whatever text just came in? Does that bother anyone else? I mean, if we're just sitting around watching TV or talking about my cat following me into the bathroom every.single.time I get up to go, then fine, check the message. But come on, know when it's okay! (I almost tripped getting off my soapbox there.) Anyway, I just think it's important to be vulnerable if we want something more than surface friendships. This is something I'm still struggling with, but within the past year, I've realized how vital that vulnerability is to any good relationship. But it's hard, isn't it? It's hard putting yourself out there without knowing how the other person is going to react to whatever you have to say. It's hard letting someone in when it's caused so much hurt in the past. But isn't it harder never having anyone to share things with? Isn't it harder not being able to bounce ideas or insecurities off of someone else? Maybe it's just me, but I need others' opinions on things. I don't know everything, nor have I experienced everything life has to offer, so I value the insights others can offer. And even though there's a chance that I may get hurt by opening up to a friend, I now know that God gives me those opportunities for a reason. We're not meant to be alone, so we might as well make the most of the friendships we're blessed with, even though it means facing whatever fear or insecurity we're plagued with. I can't promise you'll never get hurt again; we're human and can't help making mistakes. But I can tell you that I've never had better friends than the ones  I've made since letting go of some of my fears and telling myself it's okay to be vulnerable. I have to remind myself of that every time I question whether or not I should leave a comment, make a phone call, or offer a shoulder to cry on.

Don't worry, I'll get back to the lighter posts soon! I promise I don't always spend this much time thinking about things :)

Calling All Friends

I think the only way I can describe my weekend is...interesting. Nothing turned out as I planned (some of it wound up being better(extended time with a friend I haven't seen in what felt like ages!) while some was a bit disappointing (turning into the third wheel at a dinner meant for 2). I'm still trying to figure out how much detail my faithful readers actually want to know, so I'd really appreciate it if you could help me out with that, Morgan ;) And even though I'm sure you're just dying to hear a step-by-step account of everything so you can feel like you were there with me, I think there are easier ways for you to get your nap in today. So instead, it's time to get personal again.

Last night, I was sitting on the floor of a really good friend's room listening to her talk about the struggles she's been having with her friendships lately. It got me thinking.

Have you ever had a friend say something in the middle of an argument that has continued to question your confidence 4 years later? Well I have, and it's not a pleasant experience. My old "best friend" once told me that I was overbearing, and I've never been able to forget it. And even though I'm sure I deserved the comment at the time (I was a freshman in college who was NOT adjusting well at all to that new chapter in life and was desperately missing said friend) it has had serious ramifications on my life ever sense. Because, even worse than not being able to forget what she said is seeing the effects it has on my current friendships. It doesn't matter that I know she was just saying it to hurt me. It doesn't matter that I can look back now and see how crappy our "friendship" actually was, which should negate any opinion she had of me. It doesn't matter that I've never had another friend tell me that ever since. All that seems to matter is that someone that I used to be very close to told me that I was essentially too much. I don't even see, much less talk to, the girl who said it anymore, but still, every time I think about calling up a friend or sending an email/text, I question my decision. When was the last time we talked? Will I be bugging them? Do I actually have anything to say that they'd be interested in? And yes, as I type out these questions, I realize how dumb it is. If they didn't care about what was going on in my life, we wouldn't be friends. Friends don't bug each other. They may call at inconvenient times (while you're showering, working, or writing a blog post), but that's why voicemail was invented. And I know how much I love when my friends do these things for me. I know all of these things in my head, so why can't I know them in my heart, too? Why do I have to focus on that one stupid comment instead of all the positive ones?

Because I haven't allowed myself to truly reflect on the problem. That's the conclusion my friend and I both reached about our situations actually. We've both avoided dealing with the pain that old friendships have caused. Instead, I've ignored it, pretended like we were never friends at all, and simply written off those few years. I thought that was working for me, and maybe for a little while it was. But when it causes me to question whether or not I should comfort a friend in need, it ceases to work. So how do I fix it? How do I transfer the information from my head to my heart? And how do I know if I'm starting to be overbearing? So many questions, so few answers, and I'm running on 3 hours of sleep so I need to head to bed. The more I think about it, the more I think I should probably wait to post this until the morning so that I can make sure it makes sense. But where's the fun in that? Here's hoping something in all this rambling resonates with you :)

Weekend Update and Beyond

A lot has been going on in my life the past few days. I spent the weekend in good ol' Champaign with one of my best friends. Everyone should have a friend like her--someone who's joyful, caring, strong, compassionate, loving, just plain amazing, and the list goes on and on. She's so wise and her ability to put others at ease is something I really admire. As I was saying... I got down there early Friday night and basically spent the whole time surrounded by people I've missed. I won't go into all the gory details because I'm sure it wouldn't be exciting for anyone, but there were definitely a couple of highlights that I'm gonna hit.

1. There were so many times throughout the weekend that I just found myself sitting back and listening to the flow of the conversation around me, and I couldn't help but think how blessed I am. I have some of the most wonderful friends who support me when I'm feeling down, challenge me to continue growing, fill my life with joy, and offer unending love. And before I get too sappy, I better wrap this point up. I'm just so thankful for the support system God has given me, and it was made very clear to me this weekend how much each of them mean to me.

2. We got to go to the farmer's market Saturday morning, and there's a couple there who make cupcakes with COOKIE DOUGH BAKED IN!! How could I turn that down??

3. Sunday night we cooked dinner for a bunch of student leaders. After everyone finished eating, a couple of them gave their testimonies. One of the speakers was a good friend of mine who talked about the importance of putting God first in your life. I wish I had had pen and paper handy while she was talking so that I could remember all of the great points she made without butchering her message, but all I've got to go off of is my memory...bear with me. Basically she was saying that we won't have the confidence to go up and talk to others about our faith unless we've spent time alone with God and allowed Him to fill our chalice. We need to empty ourselves of everything--our longings, desires, attachments, expectations--so that we can rely fully on Him to fill us with what only He knows we need. It's not until we do this and have our own chalice filled that we can expect to be able to have the trust, conviction, and ability to start those faith conversations with others. We can't give what we don't have ourselves. The message just really struck a chord with me. I've been struggling with making time for my relationship with the Lord lately, and I've been wondering why I've been feeling so down. After hearing this beautiful message, I finally felt the motivation returning.

4. I spent some time in prayer and realized how much I've missed having the opportunity to sit in a silent chapel and just talk to Jesus. I haven't been able to do that much back home because the church is only opened for mass during the week and then they lock the doors right after the closing blessing basically. I know you don't have to be in a chapel to pray, but knowing that I'm in the presence of Jesus just makes me more able to focus my prayer and open my heart. I just don't get the same feel sitting at home on my bed, so I was thankful for the time I had and for the insights I received.

I'm guessing I've almost hit the you're-about-to-lose-me-if-you-go-on-much-longer threshold, so I'll wrap things up. I realize I started this post by saying a lot has been happening, though it may not seem like much from the little bits I shared today. I promise that I'll share more of the exciting ways God's been working in my life tomorrow. Warning--it may start to get personal up in here.

Have an amazing Tuesday!

This post is (very unofficially) sponsored by C.S. Lewis: "I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."

You're Gonna Have One Like Her Soon

Today was a GREAT day! And what better way to tell you about it than with a pictured list :)

0. Within the last couple of days, I decided that I should start training myself to wake up for work. I figured I should have it down by the time I actually start my internship. In January. The only problem? I don't know what time I'm going to be starting work. 10am sounds about right, ay? Good. Oh wait, there's another problem. Waking up earlier means I have extra hours in my day to spend eating. Now if I had any willpower concerning food whatsoever, this wouldn't be a problem. But I don't, so it is. Good thing fruit seems to be doing the trick for now! (I added this one after my whole list was already done and I didn't feel like redoing all the numbers so I'm adding a 0. Don't ask me why I didn't use the "numbered list" button. I don't want to talk about it).

1. I put some stuff on eBay and sold something 15 minutes later! Hooray for people prowling the internet at all hours for Tonka trucks. Who knew...

2. I had made time to read a chapter of this amazing book. I don't know why I'm always pushing it off to the side or finding other things to do besides read it because there are so many great messages in it. Like one of my favorites from today, "It is a duty for you to spread this sweet and joyful peace around you, but, as little Thérèse so knowingly remarked, 'not like judges of peace, but like angels of peace.'" Plus, in the immortal words of one of my good friends, St. Thérèse is a baller.

3. There's always fruit in my house now! Why? Because my mom (and me?) is (are?) on weight watchers. Although can you really say you're doing it if you're not counting points yourself but you're eating the same things as someone who is counting? Well since I'm the one saying it, I guess I can say whatever I want. (I wonder what else I can do with the newfound power this blog gives me).  Now instead of my lunches being crackers and cheese or chips and salsa, they're watermelon and apples or peaches and cuties. I don't think this point deserves a picture, mostly because I think you both know what fruit looks like and I don't want to do one of those before and after pictures after a week. I won't even step on the scale again after the havoc it wreaked on me last time.

4. I got to know the girl I'll be teaching with before class today and she seems great! We didn't get much time to chat but she seems awesome! She used to go to U of I, she's close to my age, and she knows some of my friends! So many things in common. Can't wait to get to know her more. (Again, sorry for the lack of picture but I think it goes against social etiquette to take a picture with someone within the first 2 minutes of meeting each other and then putting it up on your blog. Maybe next week.)

5. Caution--I'm about to get nerdy up in here. When I was in the gym waiting for all my kiddos to arrive, I had the chance to talk to one of them about Pokemon. I'm not ashamed to say that I can hold my own in a Pokemon conversation. I had the cards. I had the Gameboy games. I had the "help" (aka cheat) books that showed you where everything was so you could beat the game better. I. Liked. Pokemon. Maybe that's why the kids liked me ;)

6. At one point while the parents were still slowly loosening their children's velcro-tight grips from their arms, one of my boy's little sisters walked up. She looked to be about three. Out of nowhere, the little boy goes "you'll have one like her in a couple years." Wait what!?! Does he know something I don't??

Yes...that's his drool on my leg. If he wasn't such a handsome little devil, I may have had more of a problem with it.

7. The little guy I'm in charge of is a total doll! After his mom introduced him to me, he gave me a huge hug. Then he gave me two more. Then he proceeded to interrupt all my attempts at talking to the other kids by telling me his answer to the question I asked them. After another couple of hugs and 7 or 8 circles around my body, he asked me the name of our other teacher, ran up to her, gave her 2 hugs, and then came back and grabbed my hand. Well how could I not fall in love with him?? Now if only I had as much energy as him...we probably spent more time out of the classroom taking breaks than we did actually listening to the lesson for the day. Gotta work on that for next week!

I. Love. Hugs.

8. During one of our 25 breaks over the course of an hour, I decided to try a little hallway lesson, since it's hard to take part in class when you're not actually in the classroom and I still haven't mastered the ability to be in two places at once. And it worked! The other teacher had given me a quick overview of what we'd be doing all night, and I happened to remember the five finger prayer she was going to do (pray for someone close to you, someone far away, a leader, someone sick, and all your classmates). Once the little guy and I had walked down all the hallways and decided that the stairs looked like they were leading somewhere scary, we sat down on a bench. Then I asked him to think of someone in each of the aforementioned categories AND HE DID IT! It was so cute to hear him asking Jesus to help each person he named.

OH. MY. GOSH. Couldn't resist putting this little guy in even if I don't know him...hahaha

9. We happened to finish one of our breaks just as the other kids were in the middle of naming people to pray for. They were on leaders, and our teacher decided we were going to pray for the president. One of the little girls raised her hand and said, "but I really wanted to pray for you. You're like a leader because you're our teacher." I was sitting behind her trying to keep my little guy in one place and she leaned back and said "and you too." Say hello to my melted heart.

St. Nicholas, pray for us!

10. I got to talk to a beautiful friend when I got home, and no matter what kind of day I'm having, that A-L-W-A-Y-S boosts my mood at least a googol-fold. (Hahaha one of my kids told me that I just missed him counting to 1000 by fives. I told him how impressed I was because that's a really big number. The kid sitting next to him goes "not as big as a googol." How does he even know that's a number!?) Anyway, it was so great getting to catch up with my friend. She's wonderful :)

Everyone else thinks she's great, too.

11. This was on TV when I got back from my walk. I don't think it needs any words, except it really makes me want some sketti.

Weeellllll I think that's all for tonight. I hope your day was as great as mine!