Thinking & Driving

As I was driving home this morning from Mass and the library, I turned my radio off and just let my mind wander. Usually I have no idea how my thoughts transition from one topic to the next, but it tends to be a pretty interesting experiment. I went from thinking about phone calls I had to make to classes I need to take to trips I want to go on to things to get at the grocery store to blog post ideas to friends I would like to catch up with (and about a million other things in between but those were the more important ones). It was no shock that I eventually ended up on friends. The topic has been on my mind a lot the past year or so, as is evident by almost every post I write... Anyway, I started off thinking about how much I miss certain friends. You know, the ones you can sit and talk to literally for hours. The ones who never seem to run out of advice or stories or laughter or wisdom. The ones who challenge you to pick yourself up when you're down instead of letting you wallow in your perceived injustices. The ones who celebrate your accomplishments even more than you do. The ones who make time for you no matter how busy their schedules are. The ones who know your heart.

I miss seeing those friends. Yes, it's nice to be able to talk on the phone, text, Skype, and send emails, but it's not the same. Obviously I'm grateful for those means of communication since I wouldn't have any contact at all without them, but we all know that nothing beats a face-to-face meeting. (Plus with my shoddy cell reception, I end up missing a quarter of what the person on the other line ends up saying to me and try to make up for it by saying a lot of "uh huhs" and awkward laughter....) It reminds me of the quote toward the end of Shawshank Redemption when Red says "I guess I just miss my friend." Couldn't have said it better myself, Red.

But then another thought started to develop. Amidst the sadness came an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. Yes, I miss my friends. But that means that I have friends to miss. I'm incredibly blessed and grateful to have these types of friends in my life, because that hasn't always been the case for me. I grew up with the idea that friends were just people you complained to about your siblings, played sports with, or went to the movies with. And because I didn't know anything else, I didn't desire anything else. I thought that's what friendships were. It didn't occur to me that friends could be something other than boredom-chaser-away-ers (yes, that's a word). A couple months after I made my first "real" friend, we were sitting outside on her patio talking and she asked me something along the lines of "didn't you ever talk about this kind of stuff with your friends growing up?" When I replied with an awkward no..., she questioned what we did talk about. The only things I could come up with were movies, sports, and homework. Not a lot of growing going on there. And not much joy either.

That's not to say that I only want friends who are going to be joyful all of the time and committed to helping me grow every time we talk. That seems like an absurd and unattainable desire. We all have rough days where we just need our friends to listen to us complain for a little bit, but that shouldn't be the norm. I've had friendships like that before, and they're draining. It's hard to be positive around someone who's consistently down. But that's a discussion for another post. I'd rather focus on current friends, like M. M & I have spent this semester reading The Simple Path by Mother Teresa and Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis. Now we're starting Crossing the Threshold of Hope by Blessed (SOON TO BE SAINT!!!) John Paul II! I'm so excited to get into it. If you're looking for a way to keep in touch with a friend, I definitely recommend doing something like this! Anyway, we read a certain number of chapters each week and then talk about them over Skype. Usually we have so much to say to teach other that we end up talking for more than 2 hours! It was without a doubt one of the highlights of my week. Every single week. Mostly because I couldn't wait to hear what M had to say. That woman is a living saint, and she just has a way of saying the most beautiful things. I love it :) And she's just one of the women I've had the pleasure of getting to know better this winter/spring.

So the fact that I now have friends like the ones I described up there helps me be okay with missing them. Because I'd rather be missing them than hanging out with the alternative.


"O God, let me know you and love you so that I may find my joy in you; and if I cannot do so fully in this life, let me at least make some progress every day, until at last that knowledge, love and joy come to me in all their plenitude...On Earth then I shall have great joy in hope, and in heaven complete joy in the fulfillment of my hope" ~~St. Anselm