Un-limiting God

Does anyone else find themselves limiting God as much as I do? I got an email from a friend yesterday asking me what I hope to find or experience at a conference I’m going to the first week of January. As I was considering my answer, I thought “well, I don’t want to go into it with any expectations because I don’t want to be let down.” It’s a trap I fall into quite frequently. Instead of thinking about things before they happen, I go into them blindly, with no idea what to expect. In some cases that’s good. I mean, it doesn’t do any good to overanalyze a situation or worry unnecessarily about it. But it doesn’t hurt to do a little thinking beforehand either, especially if the thinking involves praying ;)

Now that I’ve lost you with all that rambling, I’ll explain how this has anything to do with limiting God. In my efforts to keep myself from being disappointed, I’ve taken God out of the equation. I’ve assumed that He doesn’t want to or worse, can’t, grant my desire. I’ve prematurely assumed He’s going to answer my prayer with a no, without even giving Him the chance to say yes. But the last time I checked, we have an all-powerful God who is able to take the idea he has of himself in his mind AND MAKE IT INTO A FLESH VERSION! Soooo I’m pretty sure He can help me have an incredible experience at this conference.

Now, let me give you a little context—this is how the website describes the conference:

“SEEK is a gathering of college students on a journey.  It’s a place where we can come together to take on some of life’s BIGGER questions and, like guides along the way, learn from one another where wisdom and experience lead.  Life is meant to be lived and in order to live it to the fullest, we need to heed the wisdom that calls us to ‘ask, seek and knock’ to discover who we are, where we’re going and what motivates us.
Presented by FOCUS, the Fellowship of Catholic University Students, SEEK 2013 is an adventurous five-day event in Orlando from January 2^nd – 6^th.  With unexpected twists and turns, you will be challenged, inspired and left wanting more.”

How in the world could I be let down by that?? (Ignoring the fact that I’m not actually a college student anymore. Haha not important). But really. God is going to be doing some amazing things there. And as long as I have an open mind and participate in the activities and give everything up to Him, I’m going to leave a changed woman, or at least a more enlightened one! Especially if I pray about it before I hop on that 20+ hour bus ride and really think about what I want to take away from the experience.

And that’s my rambling for the night. Basically I’ve noticed that I tend to forget that God can do anything. But He wants me at this event for a reason, and I’m ready to figure out why! (and maybe ask for a thing or two along the way ;) )

Calling All Friends

I think the only way I can describe my weekend is...interesting. Nothing turned out as I planned (some of it wound up being better(extended time with a friend I haven't seen in what felt like ages!) while some was a bit disappointing (turning into the third wheel at a dinner meant for 2). I'm still trying to figure out how much detail my faithful readers actually want to know, so I'd really appreciate it if you could help me out with that, Morgan ;) And even though I'm sure you're just dying to hear a step-by-step account of everything so you can feel like you were there with me, I think there are easier ways for you to get your nap in today. So instead, it's time to get personal again.

Last night, I was sitting on the floor of a really good friend's room listening to her talk about the struggles she's been having with her friendships lately. It got me thinking.

Have you ever had a friend say something in the middle of an argument that has continued to question your confidence 4 years later? Well I have, and it's not a pleasant experience. My old "best friend" once told me that I was overbearing, and I've never been able to forget it. And even though I'm sure I deserved the comment at the time (I was a freshman in college who was NOT adjusting well at all to that new chapter in life and was desperately missing said friend) it has had serious ramifications on my life ever sense. Because, even worse than not being able to forget what she said is seeing the effects it has on my current friendships. It doesn't matter that I know she was just saying it to hurt me. It doesn't matter that I can look back now and see how crappy our "friendship" actually was, which should negate any opinion she had of me. It doesn't matter that I've never had another friend tell me that ever since. All that seems to matter is that someone that I used to be very close to told me that I was essentially too much. I don't even see, much less talk to, the girl who said it anymore, but still, every time I think about calling up a friend or sending an email/text, I question my decision. When was the last time we talked? Will I be bugging them? Do I actually have anything to say that they'd be interested in? And yes, as I type out these questions, I realize how dumb it is. If they didn't care about what was going on in my life, we wouldn't be friends. Friends don't bug each other. They may call at inconvenient times (while you're showering, working, or writing a blog post), but that's why voicemail was invented. And I know how much I love when my friends do these things for me. I know all of these things in my head, so why can't I know them in my heart, too? Why do I have to focus on that one stupid comment instead of all the positive ones?

Because I haven't allowed myself to truly reflect on the problem. That's the conclusion my friend and I both reached about our situations actually. We've both avoided dealing with the pain that old friendships have caused. Instead, I've ignored it, pretended like we were never friends at all, and simply written off those few years. I thought that was working for me, and maybe for a little while it was. But when it causes me to question whether or not I should comfort a friend in need, it ceases to work. So how do I fix it? How do I transfer the information from my head to my heart? And how do I know if I'm starting to be overbearing? So many questions, so few answers, and I'm running on 3 hours of sleep so I need to head to bed. The more I think about it, the more I think I should probably wait to post this until the morning so that I can make sure it makes sense. But where's the fun in that? Here's hoping something in all this rambling resonates with you :)